Defining the Left

Now I know that some of you may be thinking that this is impossible to do considering their neurotic thought processes and constant blowing in the wind, but after some careful observation and thought, I believe that I have nailed down some of the key requirements for one to consider themselves a ___________ (insert: Democrat, Liberal, Leftist, Socialist, Progressive, Utopian, . . .).

· You must believe that a hunter in northern Minnesota doesn’t care about the outdoors, but a pale skinned coffee shop employee who has never set a foot outside of Seattle does.

· You must believe that a convicted felon deserves a warm meal and comfortable living, while a developing baby (or fetus for those of you who don’t want to attach value to her/him) should be readily available for scientific or medical exploitation and termination.

· You must believe that individuals are too ignorant to solve their own problems, but if you a funnel money into the hands of a select group of those ignoramuses, our problems should be solved by about noon tomorrow.

· You must believe that our twice democratically elected president is an evil war mongering dictator who should be removed from power immediately, but that Saddam Hussein is just misunderstood and should be left alone.

· You must believe that FDR was a genius for creating an optional Social Security Plan, but that President Bush is an idiot for trying to create an option within Social Security.

· You must believe that Rush Limbaugh is an overweight loudmouth, but Michael Moore is a cinematic wonder on a mission to spread truth and justice throughout the land.

· You must hold demonstrations, marches, and rallies celebrating advancements in voting rights in America, and then hold demonstrations, marches, and rallies to protest those same advancements in another country.

. You must believe that our problem in America is that we place too much value on the color of someone’s skin, and that the solution to that problem is to celebrate someone based on the color of their skin

Wel, I think I've come pretty close. Let me know if anyone comes up with more, and I will no doubt be adding some as the Minnesota Legislative session comes to an end.

Adam

P.S. Happy Birthday!!